??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
