Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
