I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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