I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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