you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
