doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
