There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
