Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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