He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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