She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
