Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
