tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you never un-have a 4some
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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