My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
