my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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