Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
