im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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