I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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