Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
where are my eyebrows?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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