Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A bitchslap is in order.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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