I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
