Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
