We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
