Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
