We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
