you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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