Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
