before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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