i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
