you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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