yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Panties = found
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
