Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
