Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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