His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
