Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
