If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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