I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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