Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sext me about skeletons
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