You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
