I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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