She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
