Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
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winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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