Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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