I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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