Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
