please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
