Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
