woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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