I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
