I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
