i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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