She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
