I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize