My Higher Power is John Stamos
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
