so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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