It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
