don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
