If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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