why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you had me at cake vodka
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
