We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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