my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think my moral compass just broke
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
