I cannot find my penis.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
