Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
