her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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